What I Observed About Myself This Year
I walked to Met Market this morning after a grueling end of year run. I’m sore. I’m hungry. And I’m energized. Forget the fact that as I was walking into Met Market, I dropped my laptop and cracked the screen (the very screen that I’m using to type this post). I closed my eyes for about 30 seconds and just let the remorse and frustration run through me. I opened my eyes, looked at my wife, and said, “Okay, looks like I have to figure this out.”
I came to the cafe at Met Market for the express purpose of doing a little reflection (I like their seating). I wanted to create just a bit of space to reflect on some things I observed about myself this year. It’s not really anything I learned per se but simply what I observed. I rarely set aside time to consider my actions and behaviors. So I gave myself an hour or so here to acknowledge some stories that I tell about myself. Maybe they will spark a few thoughts for you as well. Here goes.
I still withhold more than I would like. I continue to find myself less than candid because of my desire to protect other’s feelings and well, to be in people’s good graces. It’s my snake as my business partner tells me. In periods of stress, my thoughts become less organized and I have trouble just sitting in that space of discomfort for too long. I have employed some new candor techniques like, “I’m having the thought that…” or “The story I’m telling myself is….”. These are pretty effective ways to allow me to own my story without judging someone else’s.
I don’t prioritize time to create experiences with my family. I just don’t. Survey says that if you track my time you would see that I spend a disproportionate amount of it on work related activities. The culture of our family (correction from my wife — my perception of our culture) is one of production and execution which makes our default around taking care of tasks or getting caught up on work.
I appreciate fitness and how it makes me feel. This has always been a part of my adult life and it helped me even more this year. It helped me manage my stress. It helped me approach the day with just a little more patience. It helped me realize that taking care of this vessel is the most important thing I can do.
Challenge really is my ally. I have an uncomfortable situation right now with some business partners and it makes me a bit sad. I have this image in my head of squirming and thrashing to try and get resolution. It’s easy to say that “challenge is my ally” when you’re not currently challenged. But when you are, the gloves can come off. But I’m finding that I’m getting better at approaching challenge with a clearer head, curious and creative, versus just trying to push through with my righteousness.
Clearing context is the most important thing I can do (still don’t do enough). “Where are you located right now?” I like to ask of people that understand the question. The question is whether or not you’re in the drama triangle at some level, acting as a victim (happening to me), a villain (blame), or a hero (taking on someone else’s responsibility). If we don’t address the drama triangle before talking about the topic at hand, it’s hard to make progress.
Connecting to community feels good. I appreciated this year when Kirby Winfield from Ascend put on a community tech event in Belltown. I wasn’t going to go. All that surface chat over the loud music is an energy drain. But I went. And it was fun. And I realized that just plugging in gives me energy even when the easiest thing to do is just pass it up. Don’t pass it up.
Coaching is my genius zone. I know it. I want to honor it more. I’m coaching my team at Stride. I’m coaching some amazing leaders in Seattle. Coaching is this fusion of frameworks meets curiosity. Ask enough questions and have the vehicle for that information to be organized and some pretty clear direction can result.
I still stress way too much about money and time. I just do. It’s another one of my snakes. Our three greatest needs are security, control and approval and the opportunity is to see that all of that resides within us, not from external sources. But the force is strong for me. I acknowledge it. It’s my work.
I can create stuff quickly. I realize that I’m pretty good at taking an idea and turning it into action quickly. I’m all about solutions and moving fast. That has a lot of benefits – pushing things forward fast. It also has some drawbacks like (i) I sometimes overlook specifics or (ii) I don’t bring people along with me on the ride. I get the downside but I like to make things happen….now!
I’m too responsive and available. I feel like I am always “on”. You can always get ahold of me. I feel like it’s part of my brand and that’s a story I have about myself. I would like to change that story. I know the value in scarcity. I also know that a lot of things get resolved when I’m not so quick to respond.
I’m ready for a new location to get energy. I have been bouncing between my house and a workspace for the better part of the last two years. I am ready for a new vista. I’m ready to find some space that gives me a bit more energy and creativity. I don’t quite have the answer yet but I have learned that “where I work” has a strong connection to the quality of what I am doing.
I’m not trying to “fix” these or turn them into goals or judge myself harshly. I just wanted to raise my awareness and maybe, help you raise yours. Have a Happy New Year!